My favorite news from 2019 was fake.
WHY CAN’T JOURNALISM BE FUN?
Because “boring” equals “learning.”
PHOTO GAFFE
The nation’s photojournalists attacked a rural reporter for sharing his own pictures.
CODE DEAD
What happens if you publicly accuse someone of racism at a journalism convention? Nothing.
DIVERSITY BULLY
I’ll denounce and defend the woman who’s accused me of racism and sexism.
DARE TO STARE
This week’s mega-journalism convention has a “code of conduct” for the first time ever. So stop staring and don’t draw anything offensive.
HOW TO OUT-FOX YOURSELF
Should journalism organizations boycott Fox News? That answer requires more questions.
POST GAME REPORT
The Washington Post is hiring videogame reporters. Apply now.
WHEN JOURNALISTS HATE THE TRUTH
If you want journalists to hate journalism, just put them in charge of something. Anything.
ORANGE ARMOR
Here’s how reporters can ethically deceive Trump supporters to protect themselves. And they get a free T-shirt.
THE IRONY OF JOURNALISTS ON TWITTER
Journalists are better at criticizing Twitter than using it.
IMPEACH ME? IMPEACH YOU!
SPJ’s president insulted and shouted down board members. I wrote about my sex life. SPJ says both are equally bad.
IMPEACH THE PRESIDENT (OF SPJ)
Want to learn how to run a meeting? Here’s what not to do. Compliments of the Society of Professional Journalists.
NEWS TO ME
I wonder what kind of sex I’d be having if I was good at math.
CONFESSIONS OF A JOURNALISM CONTEST JUDGE
Here are 6 things you’re not supposed to know. Like No. 5: Sometimes, we don’t even look at the entries.
FRAT vs. PRESS
Fraternities love to tell college journalists, “You’re not better than us!” They’re wrong. Journalists are WAY better.
WHO CARES IF FRANK SINATRA WAS SICK?
Only j-school professors do. Their students don’t know who Frank Sinatra is – er, was.
SEE YOU LATER, ALLIGATOR
A graphic look at the demise of the nation’s largest college newspaper. And one of the smallest.
SUPER ZERO
Think Hollywood is liberal? Not when it comes to the Constitution. And not in front of the Constitution.
A DISNEY WORLD “DIE-IN” WILL FAIL
Anti-gun activists are heading to Disney World to protest. Here are 5 reasons they won’t intimidate the Mouse.
FREE PRESS EXPRESS
Cover one meeting in Alabama and you’ll get paid and maybe even arrested.
MUSK’S TUSK
When is it OK for a journalist to tweet about a guy’s “giant dick”? Unless the story is actually about his giant dick, the answer is never.
IF RESTAURANTS RAN LIKE COLLEGE PAPERS, DINERS WOULD STARVE TO DEATH
Are college newspapers really dying? Or are they just committing suicide?
GOOGLE IS A BRICK WALL. GET PAID TO POKE HOLES IN IT
I’ll pay you $1,000 to write about this woman’s struggle with Google.
PAPER MONEY
If you run a college newspaper that’s running out of money, win a free visit from a sales expert.
THE THIN-SKINNED WINNER
One unhappy videogame journalist reminds me of four lessons I learned three years ago.
UNPAID INTERNS: SLAVES WHO PAY TUITION
I’ll pay college journalists to write about unpaid internships.
50 SHADES OF PAY
What happens when you write about 50 Shades of Grey from a consumer-friendly angle? It’s torture.
THE NEW YORK TIMES IS BAFFLED BY WAFFLES
The nation’s most prestigious newspaper doesn’t understand most of the nation.
IGNORANT ABOUT AWARENESS
College journalists suck at social media campaigns.
HIGH HOLIDAYS
When will the news media start covering the pot beat? Today is the perfect time to start.
HOGGING THE SPOTLIGHT
I also have a beef with David Hogg.
DOUBLE-DOWN SYNDROME
A Pennsylvania legislator publicly attacks a college journalist – and gets taught a lesson he refuses to learn.
WHEN WILL A VIDEO GAME JOURNALIST WIN A PULITZER PRIZE?
2025? 2050? Or in the next few years?
HOW A HINDU JOURNALIST BECAME A TRUMP FANATIC
He’s a quiet copyeditor named Bill.
BAD JEWS ARE GOOD NEWS
I became a journalist because I faced discrimination growing up Jewish – mostly from other Jews.
JAMES TRACY’S NEXT CLASS
He just lost his federal court case and won’t get his job back. But now he can teach the conspiracy class he’s always wanted.
HOW DO SMART PEOPLE BECOME STUPID? THEY TURN BITTER
How do you convert a PhD communications professor into a conspiracy theorist? Ignore him.
JOURNALISM SCHOOLS ARE ON LIFE SUPPORT
And teaching hospitals won’t save them.
“BLACK GUNS” ISN’T FOR BLACK GUN OWNERS. IS ANY GUN MAGAZINE?
The guns are black, but the magazines are white.
WHAT TEENS THINK OF THE NEWS MEDIA
Not surprisingly, they think adults are morons. What is surprising: Their mistrust of today’s journalism.
HARSH ON PURPOSE
College students hate me when I don’t volunteer my time to make their lives better.
ALLAH BE CRAZED
Last week, The American Spectator ripped one of my events. Which is fine. Not fine: Interviewing me for an hour and running not one quote.
THE KKK ARE WHINY LITTLE SNOWFLAKES
Once the scourge of the South, America’s original terrorists are now writing letters to college newspapers, begging for some peace, love, and understanding.
LET NAZIS TALK
When you ban hate speech, you give its speakers power they don’t deserve – and don’t really have.
WHAT I SAY WHEN I’M ASKED ABOUT IMMIGRATION
Journalists should critique both sides. Which means no one takes our side.
I’D RATHER GET BEATEN UP BY CONSERVATIVES THAN LIBERALS
It hurts just the same, but one side adds insult to the injuries.
HOW HURRICANES HELP CRANKY OLD JOURNALISTS
For a few brief days after the storm, the news goes back a quarter of a century.
CAN A STRAIGHT WHITE WOMAN LEAD A DIVERSITY COMMITTEE?
This one does – until tomorrow, when she’s being ousted for a black woman.
I’LL PAY YOU TO WRITE NICE THINGS ABOUT TRUMP…
I’m an editor in search of a pro-Trump columnist. But you won’t write about politics.
THE BEST MAG FOR THE WORST TIMES
Today, I subscribed to a magazine that’s so good, it would never hire me to write for them.
I JUST GOT KICKED OFF LINKEDIN – FOR JOKING ABOUT LINKEDIN
At least, I think that’s why. LinkedIn isn’t talking to me. And that’s hilarious.
THE SEXIST TEST
When does sexy lurch into sexism? Is there a difference between arousal and objectification? I don’t have a clue. Maybe you do. Look at these mock magazine covers and rate them.
IN DEFENSE OF JEFFREY LORD
Despite the conservative outrage, CNN fired the pro-Trump pundit for the right reasons. But despite the liberal smugness, it also hired him for the right reasons.
LET’S TALK ABOUT COCKS
Sure, it’s sexist. But journalists don’t invent the news, they just cover it. So let’s do sexist better.
VOLUNTEER VILLAIN
How does a public university fire an unpaid volunteer from a student newspaper? Not very well.
NYT WTF?
The New York Times asks me for an interview. I’ve received better-written emails from Nigerian princes.
DATA QUEENS
I’m a “sexist troll” who deserves “a little more public shaming” because I designed this T-shirt. So says a herd of data journalists.
ROLLING STONE IS THE REALITY TV OF ETHICAL JOURNALISM
Who sends an actor to interview an escaped murderer? If Rolling Stone covered music like it covers news, no one would ever read it.
CENSORING OURSELVES
When journalists don’t censor themselves, the terrorists win.
MEDIA ETHICS ISN’T A GAME
I figured I’d spend a few minutes unraveling the GamerGate shit storm. I mean, how long could it take?
A HALF-CRAZY FULL-TIME JOB
It’s just as important to know what a hiring editor ISN’T looking for.
SOME ETHICS ARE BETTER THAN OTHERS
The Society of Professional Journalists updates its celebrated Ethics Code – secretly and unethically.
DEFILE SPJ’S CODE OF ETHICS & WIN!
College editors: Don’t do another unfunny April Fool’s parody issue. SPJ’s Ethics Week is every April, and I’ll bribe you to sodomize and disembowel SPJ’s vaunted Code of Ethics.
WHAT DOES A PULITZER REALLY COST?
If you write a Pulitzer-winning story and no one reads it, doesn’t everyone lose?
BAD NEWS & GOOD NEWS FOR THE NEWS
Well, actually, it’s almost all bad news.
6 LESSONS ZOMBIES TAUGHT ME
They’re always late, usually drunk, and way too easy on journalists.
5 IMMATURE ATTEMPTS TO PERSUADE HIGH-SCHOOL JOURNALISTS TO MASTER PHOTOSHOP
Why educate by raising up when you can amuse by stooping low?
INTERVIEWING 30 ZOMBIES IN NEW ORLEANS
If you can interview a zombie, you can interview anyone alive. We’ll give you the shirts and the blood to do just that.
WWFF13: EXPLAINING WITHOUT EXPLOITING
This year: a seizure during dinner.
AMERICAN MAGAZINES: GUNS GOOD, BOOBS BAD
Which would you rather hold?
FUCK WORDS WITH FRIENDS
Return to the days when you needed to know your words and how to spell them. And then drink heavily.
WRITING QUICKLY ABOUT DYING SLOWLY
We put the “fun” in funeral and the “bit” in obituary.
STUDENTS: DON’T READ A NEWSPAPER, WORK AT ONE
Yes, Virginia, there still are journalism jobs out there.
10 TIPS FOR SHITTY MUSIC REVIEWING
Why do so many music writers care more about music than writing?
WWFF12’s BEST AND WEIRDEST MOMENTS
This year: The toilet backed up, and one source was missing a part of his skull. But the good news is, the grant money didn’t run out.
HOW SHOULD SPJ COVER JOURNALISM?
The nation’s largest journalism organization sure doesn’t think big.
THE RED AND BLACKOUT: What SPJ told me not to say
I serve on SPJ’s national board. This is called crapping where you eat.
TOO MUCH FREEDOM OF THE PRESS
What happens when you let journalists do anything they want, offer them free beer and pizza, and let them work on the beach? Some don’t show up, and others freak out and leave.
HOMO MEDIA PHOBIA: IT’S FLAMING OUT
When a straight college grad took an editing job at a gay newspaper, homosexuality had nothing to do with his decision.
WHAT THE DAILY SHOW CAN TEACH JOURNALISM STUDENTS
Daily Show writers know more about the news than daily journalists. Who’s fake now?
AN UNSEXY STORY: THE EDITOR AND THE STRIPPER
Her name has been changed and the photos have been cropped, but everything else is the naked truth.
HELTER SKELTER IN A HOMELESS SHELTER
This year: A homeless man masturbates in front of a student, but she handles it better than he did.
HOW TO BUILD A NEWSROOM TIME MACHINE
If you can’t survive without your phone, imagine college journalists publishing a newspaper without computers. It’s grim.
HOW TO HAVE A PAPER BALL
College students think it’ll be “fun” to publish a newspaper without computers. Fools.
SOME COVER LETTERS THAT TRULY MATTER
If you can apply for a Labor Day weekend in a homeless shelter, you can successfully apply for any job.
HOLIDAY IN A HOMELESS SHELTER? APPLY HERE
If you want to work on Labor Day, read on.
LAUDERDALE CITY MOTTO: TO PROTECT AND SWERVE
A city attorney says he’s “unable not to respond” to charges that the police force is “not doing what it’s never done and is not doing now.” For this, he’s paid $240,000 a year.
A PICTURE PERFECT PROTEST
Civil disobedience with cameras gets meta when photographers cover it.
HOW TO GET FIRED AND GET EVEN
If you want to survive in this business, get used to getting fired. Then get over it.
5 WAYS TO FIGHT NINJA COLLEGE CENSORSHIP
You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water on a newspaper, it becomes unreadable.
5 REASONS WHY ADMIN HATES YOUR NEWSPAPER
If you don’t think your parents understand you, try discussing journalism with your college administrators.
WHY BEING AN EDITOR IS HARDER THAN BEING A DEAN
Next time college administrators say your paper sucks, tell ’em to go fukc themselves.
6 GREEDY REASONS TO BE AN EDITOR IN COLLEGE
Here’s a reverse-clickbait headline: You WILL believe number one. But the others probably never occurred to you.
7 MISTAKES THAT DOOM A COLLEGE JOURNALIST’S RESUME
Not sure if yours sucks? Study the signs.
9 MISTAKES THAT CRUSH A COLLEGE JOURNALIST’S CAREER
If you want a journalism job, don’t listen to your journalism school.
THERE’S NO CRYING IN JOURNALISM
Nothing’s more hypocritical than a thin-skinned journalist, and everyone in this story is both.
