KKK snowflake

The Ku Klux Klan wants you to know: “We wish no harm to anyone if they just leave us alone.”

Oh, and they’re not a hate group. They only seek “truth and peace.”

That’s right, the KKK is feeling bullied these days, and they need a safe space. You can read about it in this letter…

…which for some reason, the KKK has been mailing to college newspapers. And I mean mailing. Not emailing.

Here’s the full text of the letter…

Dear Editor:

Recently we have come under extreme fire for being a hate group. This couldn’t be further from the truth. We follow the teachings of the Bible and only wish to keep the white race pure as God intended for His chosen people. Only those who live in ignorance call us hateful. We wish no harm to anyone if they just leave us alone.

It is loud-mouth literature that poisons society against us. And we must all stand together against it. A novel is out titled THE SLAVE PLAYERS, which was clearly written just to agitate the college educated who always think they have better answers for the woes of the world. The author – a white woman who seems to know little about white society – even states in response to a church bombing incident;

“There will come a time when blacks stop praying for salvation and start praying for bombs of their own.”

Who says that? That’s the kind of hateful talk that can start a racial uprising, and is about as un-American as you can get. Most Americans we talk to support the banning of this book. Brown or colored or white it should make no difference. Hate is hate. Contact Google at and tell them how you feel. Or go to and leave a comment on their board. If enough of us complain Google will tear the site down, just like they do with so many of our even though we profess only truth and peace.

Contact me and I’ll tell you about other harmful literature, and how you can help us eliminate it for mankind. Loyal American Patriot.

…I’ve emailed that address twice and not heard back.

Here’s “the white woman who seems to know little about white society” – but who knows enough to piss off the KKK.

Megan Allen is only 27 and a first-time author. Her novel is called The Slave Players, and as Amazon aptly sums it up…

Modern day in the Deep South. Racial unrest is rampant, and outbreaks of violence reach epidemic proportions. When a church bus makes a wrong turn in the Alabama countryside, a dozen teenage girls become victims of a heinous crime. The resulting outcry is explosive, as a new Civil War erupts, but this time it will be whites who are cast into bondage.

At first, I had no idea why the KKK – or one dude in the KKK with a lot of free time and postage stamps – would pick this book to pick on. Then I went to Megan Allen’s website, which declares in big red letters, “”We Are Under Attack by the KKK.”

She even posted this video of herself reading some of her KKK-inspired hate mail…

…so of course, I bought the book. (If Allen planned all of this as a creepy and extreme marketing ploy, it worked.)

From the outset, The Slave Players certainly establishes the Deep South as still very racist. After the aforementioned bus crash, in which more than a dozen black girls disappear, the rural Alabama sheriff tells our heroic protagonist, in a monologue I’m editing down because this book seriously needs an editor…

Listen, we need to be very careful about this. If we lead people to believe this was anythin’ more than an accident, all hell is gonna break loose. Down here everything boils down to race. If it’s blacks that are killed it’s gonna be blamed on whites. Hell, for all we know, it was their own kind that done this. I remember way back to the eighties, when I was a boy. Seems every other day my daddy would come home and tell us about some darkie who’d been strung up or beaten and there would be this rush to judgment. Hell, feds would pour down from the north, blamin’ all the whites. You’d be hard-pressed to find  a case of a nigger killin’ another nigger, even if the nigger done it.

By chapter four, the evil Alabama governor – “a politician’s politician” – endorses a cover up.

By chapter six, we’re eavesdropping in the Oval Office as President Errol Clarkson listens to his Secretary of State, Homeland Security chief, and “chief adviser and best friend” debate race relations in America.

Each stakes out a well-worn position, from indifferent resignation (“You can’t change the attitude of a people without bribing them or beating the hell out of them”) to dire warning (“All hell is about to break loose out there”) to obvious foreshadowing. (“You think African Americans are going to rise up and start something significant? I can’t see that happening.”)

Of course, that’s exactly what happens. By Chapter 10, the president is staring out the ceiling in the Oval Office and reflecting…

A major riot had broken out on a campus in Virginia when it was discovered  a white police officer had raped or molested more than a dozen students, most of whom were black. The university was closed now,  its administration building besieged by protesters, and the governor of Virginia was calling out the National Guard. The president thought how much easier life would be if white officers only raped white women and left the black women for officers of their own color.

By Chapter 11, a black colonel is yelling at a senator…

It’s been over 150 years since the war and it’s about time they finally get to feel freedom. Real freedom. We’ll put the crackers to work picking the cotton and slopping the hogs. And every black man will have his own whip. It’ll be like a goddam Afro-Disney World, only with the greatest role reversal of all time. I’ve been a nigger long enough.

By Chapter 12, the KKKR show up. The “R” stands for Resurrection. Its members tend to carve those initials into their arms with hunting knives and say things like, “We kill blacks, whites, Jews, Muslims, Christians, anyone we can anywhere we find them.” And Mexicans? “You find me a Mexican and I’ll kill it.”

By Chapter 18, “a group of black men” are roaming the streets of Montgomery with rifles and “a short, tubed weapon which may have been a rocket launcher.” The Alabama governor’s mansion is “under lockdown.”

In Chapter 20, the governor flees, and protesters set his mansion afire. “News crews retreated, screaming out this was it. War had just been declared.” Soon, Black Lives Matter “was swept away” because “even stronger movements rolled in as America moved deeper into the throes of unrest.”

From there, we cut to a high school gymnasium where the black colonel – now a general – and his black soldiers are holding white men in a high school gym.

“I am sure you have all noticed the color of my skin,” he yells to the shocked white men. “In fact, many of you are probably uttering the word ‘nigger’ even as I speak. My point today is to show you how insignificant that term is.”

The general selects “a large, burly man” and issues an order: “Beat this man until he can no longer stand. Have fun with it. Beat him up really well.”

The scene is described in detail, starting with “the man’s groin and softer tissues of his belly” and ending with a knee to the face.

When the general calls out white people for being “dumb motherfuckers” who are weaker than black people, a white man yells, “Fuck you!” So a whipping ensues until “large strips of flesh began to hang from the man’s chest in loose threads.”

And that’s how Part 1 ends. There are still another 24 chapters to go.

It’s obvious why the KKK is freaked out by The Slave Players. To them, this isn’t a what-if thriller, it’s a sci-fi horror story written by a tiny blond chick. (In Part 2, the general orders black soldiers to rape a white woman. Forgot to mention that.)

Of course, Allen is careful not to endorse the violence on either side, even as she revels in its description. She paints moral characters trying to stop the bloodshed. The Slave Players is an interesting thought experiment, even it’s not particularly well written.

If Allen sells any books – and she has no comments on her Amazon page – she’ll have the KKK to thank. Because I didn’t know about this book until right now, and neither did you. And neither did Vince Filak.

Here’s a college newspaper adviser who got a copy of the KKK’s letter – and is still confused by it.

Vince Filak is a journalism professor at the University of Wisconsin-Oshkosh. He’s also advises the Advance-Titan, the school’s 123-year-old student newspaper.

He and I know at least a half-dozen other college advisers who have received this letter. It’s confused all of us.

“It was a bit odd to me,” Filak says. “We don’t get much mail these days, and I’m uncertain why they targeted college newspapers with this.”

Filak has been in the journalism game long enough to know about hate groups, but this situation perplexes him…

The message itself was relatively low-key, given the source of the material and the literature I’ve read before about the Klan. It lacked even the level of anger I would have expected in something like this. The rhetoric is what I have seen before – God wants us to keep the white race pure, people out there are poisoned against us by agitators who hate us, et cetera. But it was much more mellow.

Like me, Filak wondered, “It felt somewhat like a prank, in that the letterhead looked like clip art, and there was no return address.”

Then again, what prankster is stupid enough to troll people using postage stamps and envelopes?

If this proves anything, it’s that the KKK is the print newspaper of white supremacy, while Nazis and Stormfront are the HuffPo and Buzzfeed – the latter have embraced the Internet while the former refuses to.

Try this: Google “Ku Klux Klan.”

The first four pages of search results are other people writing about how awful the KKK is – including my favorite from Urban Dictionary: “crazy rascist ass mother fuckers with pillow cases on their heads; even on their horses!!”

It’s not till the middle of the fifth page that you find the Klan’s dated-looking homepage.

Now search for “Nazi.”

The first result is the American Nazi Party. Do the same with “Stormfront,” and its homepage shows up right after its Wikipedia entry. Conclusion: The KKK doesn’t know SEO.

They also don’t know journalists. While Filak says his editors “were immediately repulsed” by the letter, they didn’t freak out. Neither did he.

“My accountant/business manager asked me to put it in a drawer while she was in the office,” he recalls. “Then again, I have a copy of Jeffrey Dahmer’s police report in there, as well as a report about the murder of a prostitute we covered in Madison. So maybe I’m not the best judge of how creepy something is.”